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I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
