I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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