You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
