Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
