Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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