I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
