I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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