I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
