he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
