I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Randomize
