i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
