I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
