dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
