You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
of course. lets lasso hookers.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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