I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
