i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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