he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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