she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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