If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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