a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
