When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
