Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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