There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's get the cat blown out
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
