I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
