I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
