a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize