dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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