At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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