I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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