mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize