Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fuck appropriateness.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
