I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The air taste purple.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
