Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
