There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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