First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
