i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
