Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize