Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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