It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
