woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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