If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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