Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
