Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
