did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
