If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
