Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
