Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
