are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
