Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
