I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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