He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
