I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Vodka?
Forever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
