From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
high people should be assigned attendants
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
