So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
