oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
