I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
