And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
