I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
