I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
