I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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