Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
