Sry I called you an 8
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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