Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
