He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
