It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
