We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
