Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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