i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
that is very illegal...i love you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
