apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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