yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You smell like stripper and shame
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
