MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
