I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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