Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
