Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
