yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
