Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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