i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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