The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
