around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
