aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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