I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
