In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
