This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
