Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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