you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize