I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
