Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
