I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
